This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
