i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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