never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
