Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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