No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
