Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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