i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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