Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
