Redeem this text for a blowjob
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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