the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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