a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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