If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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