After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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