i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
