coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
