Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
