WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
