You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
