i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
