also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
