Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
