Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
