he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
