you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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