I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
