I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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