I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
