It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
