My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
