About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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