if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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