Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
