So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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