Walk of Shame. In a state park.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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