i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
