I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
