Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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