currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
