Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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