bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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