If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
