imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
