weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
