In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
