Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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