I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do vagina's smell?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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