I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
