Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
