Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
