Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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