im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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