mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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