worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That accounts for only three of the penises
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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