theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
