Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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