I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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