physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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