what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
