Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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