I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
