your room smells of hookers.
And success
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
