Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
