I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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