she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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