I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
