what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
