ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize