Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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