we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
