i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
