I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
