Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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