I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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