You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
