and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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