There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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