I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
