You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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