the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
