I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
