chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
