I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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