I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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