that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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